Life In These Dorms
by Skarrow
Summary: A collection of oneshots featuring our favorite SEES members and random events in the dorm. Funny or otherwise.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Persona 3. Atlus does. Lucky Atlus.

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**SCENE 1**

(Dorm Control Room, after school)

"6pm… Mitsuru Kirijo sits down to read… right on schedule," Mitsuru murmurs happily to herself, said book open on her lap. The Control Room was a nice quiet spot to read, so unlike the Lounge. Unfortunately, no matter where she stayed, her fellow dormmates always found a way to annoy her. It was a sad truth Mitsuru had learned long ago.

Suddenly, the door to the Control Room barges open. "Senpai! SENPAI!"

Mitsuru cringed. _Right on schedule,_ she sighed silently to herself.

"Mitsuru-senpai? Have you seen my book bag anywhere?" Ken asked, poking his head inside the room, looking a bit disheveled… from searching for the said bag, Mitsuru guessed. "It's under the couch in the Lounge," Mitsuru replied coolly, turning back to her novel. With a quick "thanks" Ken hurried out, careful to close the door behind him.

Two seconds barely passed when the door opened again.

"Senpai, have you seen my PSP?" Junpei asked, panting, as if he had been running around. "It's in the kitchen, next to the sugar," Mitsuru replied calmly, not looking up from her reading. "Thanks, senpai," Junpei said and rushed off.

In exactly 1.55 seconds the door opened yet again.

"Uh, senpai, I can't find my heart choker," Yukari stated, sounding really glum. "It's on top of the TV," Mitsuru replied, not as calmly, mainly because her leisure time was getting eaten up by their "dilemmas".

Right after Yukari left, Akihiko walked in. "Have you seen my other glove?"

"_What_ is the meaning of this?!" Mitsuru demanded in a voice that was rapidly becoming a scream, completely pissed off. "Are you all _so helpless_ that you _can't find anything by yourselves at all??_" She was totally losing her cool, but she didn't care one bit.

The Shadow Boxer was a bit taken aback by the Kirijo Heiress' sudden outburst.

"Mitsuru, just because _you_ don't lose anything doesn't mean-"

"Not true," Mitsuru interrupted sourly. "As you can see, I'm _losing_ my _temper_."

Suddenly, Ken barges in again, looking even more disheveled than awhile ago. "Under _which_ couch?" He asked.

Mitsuru slowly closed her book and covered her face with her hands.

_I'm losing my temper… and my sanity…_


	2. Chapter 2

**SCENE 2**

(Dorm kitchen)

Junpei squinted, his eyes already sensitive from too much reading. All of his undivided attention was focused squarely on the heavy, thick, dry almanac in front of him on the kitchen table.

Ken enters the kitchen, hamster in one hand, and a roll of tissues in the other hand. His mouth dropped open at the sight of Junpei sitting down at the table, on a certain chair. He tries to say something, but stops himself. Instead, out of curiosity, he moves closer to the teen and tries to make sense of the book he was reading, at the same time trying to not laugh.

_Too many hard words,_ Ken thought to himself as he tried to read the book. He silently wondered how a... ahem... _stupid person like Stupei_ could possibly understand it.

Noticing Ken, Junpei mumbles a barely inaudible, "What's up".

"What are you reading?" Ken asked in spite of his half worried, half amused self, staring uncomfortably and at the same time gleefully at the chair Junpei was sitting on. He gripped the paper towels in his hand tighter from exerting self-control. Ken's hamster squirmed in his other hand.

"'The Dictionary of Cultural Literacy'," Junpei replied, finally looking up from the book to rub his sensitive eyes. "…Why?" Ken asked, surprised, still unable to tear his gaze from the chair Junpei currently perched on.

"Well," Junpei began in a rational voice (whatever's rational for you, if you can imagine it), "I'm sick and tired of feeling… _stupid_."

"Really?" Ken inquired, his mouth quirking from a amused smile that was slowly forming on his face. Junpei nodded. "Did you know that almost 50 percent of girls who read manga and watch anime are yaoi fans? Did you know that Mother Teresa won the Nobel Peace Prize? Did you know that Pyongyang is the capital of North Korea?"

Ken couldn't hold his laughter in one second longer. He fell to the floor, dropping the paper towels and his poor hamster altogether, shrieking hysterics, pointing gleefully at the chair Junpei sat on.

"DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE SITTING ON HAMSTER DROPPINGS??"

"…WHAT??"

Junpei leaped from his seat into the air. It was true!

Ken rolled around on the floor, clutching his stomach, sounding very much like a wounded hippopotamus. The paper towels were already dirty, and his hamster looked dazed from fre-falling. "I guess you feel pretty _stupid_, huh?!" He managed to yell.

Junpei sighed.

Looks like his quest for knowledge just hit a dead-end…


	3. Chapter 3

**SCENE 3**

(dorm kitchen, dinnertime)

"Drink your soup," Mitsuru reminded the others at the table. For dinner, they were having Shinji's version of a French classic, which was called _bouillabaisse, _Minato's takoyaki (fried octopus) and Fuuka's fermented rice balls.

"With _pleasure_, Mitsuru-senpai," Junpei said too brightly.

"With _extra pleasure_," Ken added.

Both of them had maniacal grins plastered across their faces. Mitsuru frowned. Minato began to chew slowly. Fuuka raised her eyebrows. Akihiko and Shinji, both of them too caught up in the mystery of the moment, reached for their respective water glasses to gulp down their tension and ended up grabbing each others'. Yukari just sighed and rolled her eyes. Aigis was confused. And Koromaru, who was under the table, perked up his ears.

_Something is awry,_ Mitsuru thought. And everyone else's facial expressions (except Junpei's and Ken's, of course) revealed that they were thinking the exact same thing. Something was definitely going on.

Both boys who were awry in question were the first to finish their soup.

"Mmmm… _delicious,_" Junpei said to nobody in particular, setting down his soup bowl with a satisfied _thump_.

Ken did the same. "Mmmm… _extra delicious,_" he added.

They turned to each other.

"So, Ken, how was your soup?" Junpei asked with exaggerated innocence.

"Just fine," Ken replied with enough brightness to light up the Eiffel Tower. "How was yours?"

"Fine. Wasn't yours a little… oh, I don't know… _salty_?" Junpei asked, his eyes glinting mischievously. Ken shrugged as casually as he could.

"No… should it have?"

"Well… considering that I emptied half the salt shaker in it…" Junpei said slyly.

Ken returned his smile with a sly grin of his own. "I thought you would, so I switched our soup bowls in the kitchen."

"I knew you would," Junpei said. "So I put the salt in _my_ bowl."

"I thought of that too, so I switched them back."

"I saw you. I switched them around again."

"I knew you saw me, so I only _pretended _to switch them."

"Liar!" Junpei exclaimed. "_You_ drank the salt!"

"No siree," Ken said, licking his lips from the tasty, sour flavor of the _bouillabaisse_. "My soup was oh-so-good."

Suddenly, while this confusing argument was underway, someone absent-mindedly reached for his soup bowl…

After a few more minutes of listening to their childish debate, Yukari finally put up her hands to stop them, especially since they had already picked up their butter-knives and began to pull off the "samurai swords to the death" routine, slashing at each other.

_Clink! Clink! Clank!_ Went the butter-knives as they flashed brightly in the light.

"Ok, what _are_ you two arguing about?" Yukari demanded.

Junpei finally put down his knife. "Well," he began, "We're trying to decide who should be throwing up by now."

"Can't you do that _without_ the corny samurai scene?" Yukari asked. Junpei just shrugged.

"Hmmm… First Junpei switched them, then I switched them, then…" Ken mumbled to himself, counting off on his fingers.

Fuuka happened to look to her right- at Minato. For some reason, he looked kind of pale. He gripped his soup bowl tightly in his right hand.

Mitsuru noticed it, too. "Arisato… are you all right?"

Suddenly, Minato clawed at his throat with his free hand, as if something had gotten inside. He made terrible choking sounds. He wheezed, coughed, sputtered and choked some more, sounding very much like a wounded hippopotamus.

And that night, they couldn't go to Tartarus.

And Junpei and Ken received... "execution"...


	4. Chapter 4

**SCENE 4**

(dorm lounge)

Yukari, who had just finished packing her bags for the Yakushima trip, comes down the stairs and spots Junpei watching something on TV.

Despite herself, she goes over to investigate.

"What're you watching?" she asked casually, taking a seat beside him.

"I'm watching reruns of "National Geographic" and "The Discovery Channel," Junpei replied without looking up. "I'm trying to learn as much as I can about Yakushima before we go."

"That's a good idea," Yukari admitted, turning her gaze to the brightly flashing TV.

"Ferraris, bikini-babes, and helicopters. Not to mention we're gonna be spending our days at Mitsuru's summer home. This is gonna rule," Junpei murmured dreamily.

"There are also a lot of waterfalls, a native culture, and places to shop," Yukari reminded him.

"I fast-forward through those," Junpei said. Yukari rolled her eyeballs. "I guess they really _do_ distract from the Ferraris and the bikini-babes."

"Well, I _tried_ to fast-forward through the bikini-babes, too, but –geez- they're everywhere!" Junpei pointed out.


	5. Chapter 5

This chapter is actually divided into 2 scenes.

--

**SCENE 5**

(dorm kitchen, very early morning)

"What're _you_ doing up so early today?" Akihiko asked Ken after finding him eating cereal by himself at the table.

"I'm going on a fieldtrip today," Ken explained after slurping up his bowl of any leftover milk. "The teacher told us we needed to be there by 7:00, or else we'd get left behind. I thought I'd play it safe and get up earlier."

"…1:00 in the morning definitely qualifies…" Akihiko remarked, checking his watch.

Ken poured himself some more cereal. "So when does the paper come?"

--

(dorm lounge, after school)

"So," Akihiko began as Ken entered the dorm. "How was your class fieldtrip? Was it fun?" "Oh, it was fun," Ken answered, and plopped down on the couch. He looked a little disappointed, though.

"What's wrong?" The Shadow boxer prodded.

"The fieldtrip was ok, I guess," Ken began, scratching his knee with his souvenir. "But it was also sort of a let down. They had a whole lot of these robotic dinosaurs at the museum and all, but the only things they did was move their heads and make noise."

"Well, what did you _expect_ them to do?" Akihiko asked him.

"Oh, I don't know. I guess I kinda envisioned the robot dinosaurs stomping around the museum causing chaos and eating people," Ken admitted wistfully. "I guess technology's just not there yet."

Akihiko rolled his eyes. _I had to ask._


	6. Chapter 6

**SCENE 6**

(dorm lounge, Sunday afternoon)

"C'mon, seven!" Junpei yelled at the top of his lungs, disturbing everyone in the dorm especially a grumpy Mitsuru Kirijo, who was quietly reading in the Control Room (_and everyone knows why she was reading there_). Junpei shook the pair of dice in the cup as hard as he could, his eyes squeezed shut. "Big seven! C'mon seven!" he continued to yell.

"Just roll already," Ken suggested dryly from across the table, keeping his eyes on the colorful game board.

Junpei sniffed. "Oh, please. You're messing with my karma."

As the Fire Man quickly let loose the pair of dice on the low table, Akihiko enters, spots the duo, and makes his way over to them.

"Mitsuru asked me to check up on you guys," he said, eyeing the room dubiously. "What's with all the noise? What are you two playing?" Akihiko sees the game box on a chair and picks it up. He reads the label.

"…Trumpopoly? What is this?" He asked the pair. "It's a new game," Junpei explained, looking up while Ken rolled some dice. "The object of the game is to get so much wealth and property that your opponent bows down to worship you." "You landed on Amada Tower," Ken suddenly informed Junpei. "You owe me two million yen in rent." "Drat," Junpei huffed. He paid Ken the correct amount of (FAKE!) paper money.

"Remind me never to play," Akihiko muttered.

Junpei turned to Ken. "Right now, I've got the Iori Airlines, the Iori Plaza, the Iori Castle, and the Iori Princess- the largest yacht in the world."

"The Amada Princess is more luxurious, though," Ken interjected spitefully.

"Ha!" Junpei cried. "The Iori Princess has _mink carpeting_!"

"Well yahoo!" Ken declared. "The Amada Princess has _solid gold toilet seat covers_!"

"Listen to you two!" Akihiko exclaimed. "You're acting like a bunch of spoiled brats!"

Ken turned to the flustered sempai. "We're supposed to," he explained with a shrug.

"Yeah. Says so right here in the rulebook, Section F," Junpei agreed, holding up the book for Akihiko to see.

Akihiko stared, slowly put down the box and quietly turned to leave.

--

"So what were they doing?" Mitsuru demanded, still a teeny bit annoyed. Akihiko smirked. "They're acting like spoiled brats." Mitsuru frowned. "Why?" Akihiko just shrugged.

"They said it was in the rules," he said before walking away.


End file.
